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♥jaѕмiиe.
Y,011088.
Learning to live and love every single day.

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today arh~?! hmm..
Saturday, April 17, 2004, 4/17/2004 09:57:00 pm ♥

chins was alrite~ im sure evryone had a great time~! hehe.. altho my order was a disaster.. lol.. but it was fine other thn that.. well after that dinner.. we went walkin around in the dark.. was kinda scary but gotta learn how to chase ur fears away.. n yea.. few days bak me been seeing figures.. like at the corner of ur eyes u see somethin and there isnt anythin ther at all.. yups thats wat me been seeing.. n me dreamt of my grandpa too.. mb he tryin to communicate with me or somethin.. i dunno... dun think about it.. it will eventualli face the true meanin of the cause.. i hav no idea wat im tokin about.. but its got somethin about believing that all things happen for a reason.. yea...

well yesterday~! slept over at tiffany's n tamilyn's house ( they're realli close sisters.. cherished relationship ) we had a horror movie marathon.. we watched the first Ju-On~ it was scary... screamin n hidin in wat evers in front of u etc etc.. lol.. thn we watched 2 of the ring series.. ( the japanese version ) yups scary scary arhh~!!! but thn evrytime im scared i jus imagine someone's arms around me n that actualli eases the fears i hav.. but one gd thing is.. after i watch.. (bcoz my memory is sooo short term) i forget wats happenin.. hahaha.. so funny hor... so i nv end up realli like havin it realli realli stuck.. mostly is jus after one nite of slp n evrythin is gone.. lol.. unless u get reminded of coz.. but other thn that.. nah-ah~! hahaha..

i hope my japanese gets better.. havent been studyin the vocabs that i dunno... n havent done any kumon work yet.. ok.. better do toml.. 2pid kumon makes me stress... oh well.. i think i'll get over it~.. my head is spinning.. mb not enough slp.. lolz.. but well me slept alot arh.. lol... oh well..

life had a purpose for you
nv had a purpose for me
but has a purpose for us...

two hearts are better thn one...
two hearts can beat as one...

miss u evry sec, evry minute, every hour, evry day...




bak..
Thursday, April 15, 2004, 4/15/2004 03:51:00 pm ♥

long time no write ler hor.. been i think 4 months.. a lot has happened.. frustration, stress, depression, cries, laughs and confusion.. yr 11 is realli stress for me.. well.. not onli in sch but personali.. the fear of not being bak in singapore n the smallness i feel among evrybody.. ma friend is losing friends slowli n she might end up like i predicted... does she deserve it? no.. i dun think anyone does.. without friends.. is like without a famili.. i read in a card recently: friends are famili u choose... thats true.. i beliv friends are the famili u choose... n if u did have a friend that was betrayin u.. as a "famili member" u should always forgiv n let thm learn eventualli.. but if that someone keeps goin on~ we hav to face thm n tell thm, rite?

face thm.. yea.. im a coward.. thers no way i would bring myself to do that.. i oweis wait for ppl to do it or jus think of it.. i tok about all these things that me myself dun do... onli someone who judges but dun take actions... my mum once said.. "it's not wat u say.. it's whether u do it or not.. " , i'm onli that someone who complains n blabbers.. but in fact i should be the one eager to change, to help, to be someone whos not afraid to step out n face someone rite out... no confidence thats wat it is... problem tellin wat i feel.. n when i do.. evrything comes out evn when its not suppose to.. cant lie.. doesnt work... exposure... hidin.. prevention of hurt feelings.. express... hurt... tears... pain.. loneliness... frustration.. break down...

dreams:.. happy... sad... wished.. loved.. hate... deceived.. pity... small..

i remember a game we used to play.. u start with one word n thn put another word that reminds u of the previous word.. n the list goes on... u find that a certain word/person's name comes out most often... its no surprise realli.. it shows how n what u think of...

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its the first holiz for the year.. oledi home sick.. home as in singapore... nv felt like this b4... mb too much frustration that mb there's no hope for returnin home... mum would do anythin... she smart, intelligent.. n oso.... stubborn... all i can do is pray.... pleadin would be no use... realli down as ever...

school work... oso frustratin.. doin my best... not for myself but for us.. havent done badli so far.. evn tho ther was once i thot i did... "y r u stressin so much.. its onli yr 11.." thats wat my brother said.. answer... i hav no idea.. y m i stressin... jevina.. new friend.. said me findin things to stress about.. stress can cause alot... hypertension, heart attacks, heart failure, death... jus did research for human bio... cardiovascular diseases.. they all hav somethin to do with stress.. stress... isnt that jus great... im a no.1 stress queen~ mb not no.1 but close... besides i hav a long medical history... hypertension is genetic... diabetes, high cholesterol... n from both sides of my famili too... thats a brain boggle for ya.. lol.. willl i be livin long enough to write or go on internet.. i love the internet~!! lol hehe.. can chat with bibi.. ^-^ n oso my friends =)

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feeling tired evryday... tired.. not enough slp? tired of walkin around without someone? unfinished memories? thers somethin.. dunno wat it is.. feel like im making things up.. exaggerating?... but m i? i dunno... i dunno anythin now... so tired... tummy ache~...

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happy things/events have happened too.. being around friends.. being out of house.. not being harassed.. thats all happy.. happy, evryone will be happy if u are happy~ rite? maybe? yea... its actualli a fact... ever heard of smile being contagious.. smile represents happy rite =) i beliv its the first step to feeling ok~ n everythin is fine.. it always helps.. to smile anytime.. like.. sometimes when im about to cry.. i start smilin to keep it in.. it does for a while.. it still works~! dun underestimate.. lol.. realli~!!! okii ^-^ anyway.. i gotta start goin to shower ler.. its gonna be 5 soon.. means an hour of pom pom thn i go to chins noodle house.. mmmmmmm... its 5 ~! takecare... ignore the negativiti.. lol.. bleh =P