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♥jaѕмiиe.
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Learning to live and love every single day.

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Friday, June 24, 2005, 6/24/2005 01:49:00 am ♥


i wanna watch u~ now!!! hahaa  Posted by Hello




nv had a dream come true....
Thursday, June 23, 2005, 6/23/2005 11:33:00 pm ♥

today was an alrite day.. haix.. findin myself slackin.. today not plannin to do nework.. means.. fri, sat n sun must study hard! :) lalala... i was goin to tok about my week.. but i cant seem to remember wat happened... haix.. so.. i will tok about one of my wise thoughts.. haha.. not realli wise but.. yea... u kno wat... its proven tt it takes a long time to get over ur first love.. ive asked alot of ppl.. all of thm so far hav said a year or more... so seee.. i m normal.. haha... yupsh..

so monday... did nethin happen? oh yea.. jienni stayed at home.. lol.. din slp enough at jevinz.. >.< yupshh.. n we played table tennis.. lol.. we actualli played.. haha.. i was late to sch tho.. so bad.. see lah.. siaofui! without u see wat happened? hahaa.. jkjk... hmmz.. we started our detox program on tuesday.. lol siaofui comes everymornin to make for us.. thnkux so muchi.. ~ yupsh.. thn it was a terrible day~! i had PP cramps.. veri veri painful... i couldnt move.. swallowed neurofen... doesnt work! haha it was the first time i swallowed a pill without water.. was kinda surprised.. lol! it was sweet t0o! lol.. yea neway... it was veri veri painful.. last time i had one of those cramps was in hongkong.. haha.. i ate panadol~ >.< hmm i dunno y im against panadol so much.. someone must hav told me somethin bad about it..

wednesday.. nothin much bahz.. lol.. oh yeahh ama got new phone! motorolla.. so nice sia~!! blackkk de~ camera de~! lol.. oh wells.. my dream phone havent been invented yet.. must wait.. dream mp3 oso.. lol.. hmmzz... wat else arhh.. this week no assessments.. lol.. oh yea i had an english speech thingy.... continued it today... >.< dun think the teacher likes me veri much.. or mb coz of this PMS.. so sensitiv nowadays... well this part im abnormal.. my mood changes one week b4 PP n one week after PP.. wah.. nebody with me sure get it one.. get it as in... either i complain too much or cry too much or.. out of no wher.. i start shoutin becoz of small petty things... tt part.. im weird.. hahaa...

one thing i wanna bring topic.. about money... y isit so important... it cant buy happiness... ppl are miserable with money.. jus like tt marilyn monroe.. she died because the fame was too much rite? its kinda the same thing.. i not sure how she died.. all i kno is tt she had an drug overdose... but yea.. i dun like it when ppl tok about money asif its everythin... i mean yea.. u need it to survive n everythin.. but i dunno.. i think we hav it easy.. coz my parents giv us the opportunity for gd education n a roof to liv in.. but all this has its consequence.. are we happi... i dunno.. i can look on the bright side.. yea.. we hav a place to live in.. yea we hav food to eat.. yea.. we go to a sch.. yea we kno how to read, write, tok... but wat happens to the important values like famili, love, unity.... money in a sense.. is breakin up relationships... its somethin i despise yet have to favour it.. once i move out one day.. i'll kno the difficulties to not dependin on parents for money.. n u kno wat..

my parents were hardli at home since young... my dad was an obsessiv gambler... mum oweis worked late nites... all we had were our maid.. i remember once.. my mum told tt when she came bak from oversea trip, i didnt want her to carry me.. instead i grabbed on to my maid in her arms... we are not those streotypical famili who mistreat the maids.. actualli they took advantage of us.. we got robbed, stolen, bribed etc... but we still treat thm as friends omost.. haha.. sometimes i tok to my maids friends.. n they get treated pretty badli.. everytime i got scolded n beatin from my mum.. id run to auntie luz (maid) n cry in her arms... she would console me.. auntie luz worked for us for 5 yrs n thn she came bak after 4 yrs.. we were so glad to see her!! OMG it was shockin! i miss her so much.. she was omost like a mother to me.. i told her all my problems.. at sch, with friends.. suti was oso another one.. lol! she so funni.. esp the way she toks.. haha.. n i would shout/sing at the top of my voice her name "SUTIRAH MISKAN NAUGHTY GIRL".. it was so loud tt her fren across the condo from the window was laughin n smilin at me.. haha!! oh wells.. yea.. n thn we would book a badminton court n play badminton at the CC.. my bros nv played with me.. she was like another mother.. lol.. her cookin wah! she learns realli fast! lol.. my granma taught her.. n now she cooks better thn her in some dishes.. lol! i oweis get thm to slp next to me n pat me to slp.. lol she would refuse.. haha.. its realli funni.... i miss thm... veriii much....

the day she went home to indonesia.. suti was cryin on the phone.. n we were jus both cryin.. she wrote me a letter.. she's in hongkong workin n she didnt write her address.. so i couldnt reply... the letter still sits in my reply mail letters.. i hope she writes another one n leaves her address... i miss her.. lol.. oso.. we used to make fun of each other.. haha.. she likes bill clinton.. n she likes singing n dancin.. haix.. it was jus fun.. my granma n uncle din like her much coz they think we treat her too well... tts so unfair to hav different class values.. we're all human... geez.. yea.. ok.. i jus miss alot of ppl...

yea... i think i matured at a very young age.. coz ive been thru alot tt a 'normal' child hasnt been thru.... famili conflicts, deaths, loneliness, rejection.. i nv fitted in with my brothers... they would jus play their toys.. n i will try to join in but thn they will jus shoo me off.. so i gav up toys when i was around 6... bulllied in sch coz of my size (i oweis hung around with my mum's friends and grownups so i knew quite alot for a kid).. my parents fought n argued... my grandma tt i was veri close to died of kidney failure.. we saw her in bed.. n was at the funeral n we had to walk to the cremation place.. all these feelings n experiences.. do u think its appropriate to be felt at a young age...i think i knew too much about life at tt time.... im not sayin its not.. jus tt tts wat made me who i m.. sensitiv n too emotional...

im not sayin i wasnt loved.. coz i was.. veri dearli by parents, mainli adults, n im not sayin i din hav friends~ i had a few close ones.. it was quite easy for me to make friends in pri sch.. but as the yrs gone by.. not mani keep in touch.. and friends do change... i dunno wat im tokin about.. mb if u were in my shoes.. u would understand tt im trapped in a body.. i dunno how to express my feelings properli.. so if i say or do somethin rong.. im jus a weird person tt still has a heart... i dowan ne pity but.. try to understand ppl sometimes.. sometimes wat u say mite jus get to thm some way... n u hav to make clear wat u mean... coz for me.. i mite keep tt feelin in forever.. but i will forget yet it comes bak.. u get wat i mean.. haha.. wellllll.... this blog has become a veri personal one.. i think its the PP.. haix.. ok.. im goin to dry my tears now.. i dun like this time of the month.. haha..

takecare everyone.. im jus storin my memories n thoughts for future readin.. incase i get amnesia or forget my past.. hehe.. so yea.. dun get too involved if u are.. haha.. newayyzzz.. nitenite sweetdreams... takecare baizz~! keep warm! n be cool!
*huGgzZ*




Monday, June 20, 2005, 6/20/2005 12:36:00 am ♥


lol.. memories in singapore~ *huGgZz* Posted by Hello




miX miX emotions...
6/20/2005 12:03:00 am ♥

harlo to this blog.. lol.. well yesterday... we had a slp over at jevina's coz we wont be seein her in a month... so long.. goin to miss her so much... now physics is goin to be so boring.. :'( .. but i should be happy for her orh.. she gets away from sch =) hehe.. hmmz.. we watched heapsa movies last nites.. loll din slp at alls.. lol.. i think i slp for 30 mins to an hour probabli? lol.. well it felt quite long.. but thn yet short... haha.. i woke up at 3pm thn 6 plus jien's fam came to pick me up to go jevina's THnkuX! thNkux! yupshh.. thn reach ther ler.. play with ElfiE thn we did the rnb dance tt jev got from her mum for her bday.. so cool.. yupshh after tt we went to southlands got pizza n geT moVies.. lol.. S0o0 ColD the WEathEr.. >.< transfer elfie fur here n ther.. lol! well jev seem to hav heapsa fun! hehe.. THnkux thnkux for haVinG mE oVer~~

got home ler.. tiff n angels were ther.. hehe.. yupshh.. we all had pizza.. how come tammei had to go :'( haix.. yupshh newayss... thn we watched soooo maniiii moviesss~!!! chasing liberty, blow dry ( JOSH HARTNETT!! ), butterfly effect - ther was this evil part wher this kid set a dog on fire... haix.. , whatever it takes, head over heels and "get over it"? < not sure the name.. lol.. after tt jevinas great idea! haha.. ONE TREE HILL!! wahh shuai ge michael chad murray - lol.. to xia0 hui: he oso got dreamy eyes nia~ loll!! woahh angel ur prumble was veri veri delicious!! lol.. oso jevina's mum's cheese cake! lol.. i thot it was bought.. lol! nobody told me.. oh wells.. lol! hmmz.. eva!!! how come u goin offline so earli nowadays?!! haha.. no one to blabber to~ =x hahaa... uMmZ.. so yea..

mornin walk to the supervalue to buy vanilla icecream.. lol! thn after tt.. jesters.. wahh smell so nice~! oh yea! THNKux thNKux tiFfAnii~ this few days i notice u oweis wait up for me when im behind due to my normalli slow walkin pace.. lol i realli appreciate it.. i remember oweis walkin alone at the bak.. hahaa =x oh wells.. used to it, neway i dun mind walkin alone.. u surprised me nia! thn kinda got bullied while walkin bak.. mb too sensitiv.. haix.. lil bit thing oso kenah hurt.. n ya i kno angel.. tt its jus jokes.. me should realli learn to be stronger at heart... such a painful yet stupid feelin... oso partli coz of the movies but mostli coz jevi goin.. no more happi face.. :'| lol thn goin home ler.. ThnkuX thhNkuX tIFfaniI'z DaDdi! giV uS lifT homeZ~ haD our huggies n byebyes.. thn hav to go home ler.. so sad... thn coz my phone batt died.. i quickli charged it n sms jevina thn cry cry oso haix.. lol.. me goin to call her n disturb her while she in singapore~ =x can tok to her mah.. so she is here partli.. lol! ahhhh i miss her oledi...

came home.. did some work.. slept for an hour thn continue coz was too tired ler.. still havent read my english bk finish yet.. after this i hav to go read ler.. well.. cant wait till jevina comes bak! come to think of it she's omost like a sister to me.. coz i feel like im part of her famili in a strange way.. lol.. hehe.. well to everybody~ takecare sweetdreams.. niteniteee!!! >.<




whEn a girl..
Saturday, June 18, 2005, 6/18/2005 02:44:00 am ♥

lol i got this off friendster... its kinda true for me.. =x

when a GER is quiet,
she is tired of loving you but yet dunoe if you love her.
(this one err.. not realli bahh... )

when a GER looks at you wib eyes full of qns,
she is wondering if u love her.
( i think this is kinda true... unless hypnotised by his charms haha)

when a GER says "im fine" after a few seconds,
she is not fine at all.
( depends on personality of girl.. )

when a GER stares at you,
she is thinking if only she can haf you.
( i think ive done this b4 =x.. haha.. )

when a GER lies on ur shoulder,
she is hoping time would stop forever.
( kinda true.. lolx! )

when a GER calls you everyday,
she wants to hear ur voice.
( yupsh... )

when a GER wants to see you everyday,
she miss you.
( yeah... )

when a GER sms you everyday,
she expects you to reply.
( not realli )

when a GER says "i love you",
she actually means it.
( haixx )

when a GER says she cant live without u,
she means if you die, she will die.
( ... )

when a GER says "i miss you",
she really miss you.
( she does... )




will bring tears to your eyes..
Wednesday, June 15, 2005, 6/15/2005 07:59:00 pm ♥

love story.. from friendster bulletin..

There was a boy who liked girl and his
name
was Dave. She liked him to,well thats
what she
was told...but one day she was walking to
class
and she heard someone call her name
when she
turned around Dave was there...

"Hey wait up!" he called.

She waited for a few seconds and let him
catch up
then once he did she started walking
again.

"Yes,you need something?" she said
"Yea...a favor."he said.
"Sure what is it?"she asked.
"Go out with me." he said with a gleam
in his eyes.
"ok...sure."she said secretly jumping with
joy in
her mind.

He walked her to class and kissed her
good
bye...then the late bell rang and he sprug
down the
hall to get to class. He walked her to class
every
day and Kissed her every day and he was
with
her
every chance he got. Then days turned
into weeks
and weeks turned into months and
months turned
into a year and he still ran to catch up
with her. It
was the day of their one year anniversary
and he
walked her to class gave her a box and a
kiss...then he whispered into her ear..."I
love you."
then he left. She opened the gift and it
was a
ring...a gorgeous ring. That night they
were out at
dinner to celebrate and all he surprised
me...AGAIN...

"Hey...you know how I said that I loved
you?"he
asked
"yea?" She got really nervous....
"I really do you know I love you."

She didnt say any thing and She knew he
wanted
her to say it but she didnt want to seem
stupid so
she stuffed food in her mouth and he
didnt say
anything but she could tell he was
disapointed.
They got done eating and he was driving
her home
at the red light he turned and looked at
her...

"Why wont you say you love me? dont
you love
me like I love you?" he asked,

She didnt know what to say She loved
him more
than She could imagine but She just
didnt know
how or when to say it...

"I...I...lov...."

BOOM!!!!!!!!!! a semi had hit the driver
side and
ramed them right into a lake.The next
day She
was in the hospital and all she could
think about
was if Dave was ok...so she got out of my
bed and
searched for him...but when she found
him he was
barly alive...seeing the one she loved
near death
made her drop to my knees and cry...

"Dave I love you...I've loved you since
the first day
we meant I love you soooo much dont
you leave
me please dont leave me I need you
here...I LOVE
YOU!!!!"

With his very last breath he said...

"Hey...I love you too." then he was gone.

A week later she was able to go home but
she
wasnt ready to face school yet and her
mom
understood. She went up to her room and
She
found a note inside the ring box....

Hey,
I hope you like this ring. It was my
grandma's she
told me to give it to the one I love and
well I love
you. No matter what happens to me I will
always
love you. If I died today I want to die
knowing you
love me...I wont leave this earth with out
knowing
you love me. Ashley your always in my
heart
forever until the day I die.
Dave.

p.s.
I love you now...I will love you forever.

sad hor? :')
take care peeps~




[[so long havnt blogged..]]
Tuesday, June 14, 2005, 6/14/2005 08:06:00 pm ♥

ok thers 30 mins for me to blog.. coz OC is goin to start soon.. i think i should stick with one blog hor.. haha.. ok.. my friendster one is goin to be full of fillups.. haha.. besides.. this is wher most of my life story is stored mah.. lol.. ahh wait! toilet! dot dot dot... bak.. haha.. unwanted info.. the first toilet i went to was a disgrace! some ppl dunno how to aim properli.. =x lol.. newayyy.. i receive my results bak ler... er.. ok lah.. i think can catch up next semester i hope.. to get into med here tt is... well here goes... my exam percentages...

english - 52%
japanese - 79%
applic maths - 69%
physics - 57%
chemistry - 66%
human biology - 78%

i need an average of 70s.. but i dunno.. plssss... brain work hor! haha.. hmm yea.. ummm s0o0o.. i bought a new diet program thing.. lol.. hope it works.. siao fui n mee goin to start it on monday.. >.< 0o0o cant wait orhx! lol... hope i dun go toilet tt often! i dun like goin toilet! hahaa... hmm.. well today got HB test.. not veri confident.. but hope it made it thru.. the heater was on.. n i sit infront of it.. make me radiate so much.. came out all red...

weather is sooo cold nowadays... on sunday we came bak from city.. thn we wait at the bus stop.. s0o0o freezing.. haha.. i thnk siaofui, tiff, tam, n myself.. we all went crazy becoz of the cold.. lol.. siaofui was singing.. n the rest includin me.. we were jumpin up n down.. keepin ourselves warm.. haha.. n thn.. we realise at the end when tiff dad came.. that behind the bus stop was warmer.. coz infront.. all the cars pass thn bring wind with it oso.. aiyox!! freeze until cannot think i reckon.. lol! i think i hav to change my blog skin soon.. this one i think the blog column is quite small hor? lol.. okii.. wellz.. i'll do it in the weekends or somethin.. lol! hehehe..

toml physics prac test... thn friday.. chem test.. which i din kno until today.. wah.. lol i told amanda this.. if i had no friends.. i wouldnt kno when to hand in my hw on time, n i wouldnt kno when to study.. haha.. therefore my grades would not be where it is at the moment.. lol.. itd be like down down down.. lol.. neway happy now cookz! haha.. im bloggin~ haha.. sowii.. i kinda neglected it for a while.. >.< hehe.. well.. takecaree!! sweetdreams!! *huGzZ*




exAms gone liao.. yay!
Sunday, June 05, 2005, 6/05/2005 10:42:00 pm ♥

well the exams are over.. hehe.. s0 gd hor! hehee so far.. i think physics paper hardest.. coz.. as u kno.. my physics... err.. not gd... i realli need gd results.. pls help me... haix... i dun wanna go to ireland........-_-" y?? of all places.. ireland.. sounds so.. haix.. i oso dunno y i hav somethin against ther.. mb i jus dun wanna go overseas... so fahn! haix.. my brain doesnt wan to work for me.. fine! jus be an idiot.. u can die in my skull... hahaa wat m i tokin about.. haix... fan nao fan nao... im beginnin to remember things i dowan to... wats happenin to me.. i kno i promised not to tok about this.. okok i wont... *knock*

hahahaa wellll fridayyy~~ we all went to cityyy~ yay!! ther was jien, ama, rach, mich and me.. yupshhh walk alot alot... feEt sore manz.. lol.. we had bubble tea~~!! hehe.. somemore? uMmz.. shoppin! hehee.. yupshh.. harbour town plus buss.. lol... so many jeans i wan.. but thn.. haix.. no moneyy... onli $5 for my entire savings at the moment.. how sad... thn home ler.. watch anime n online n slp.. haha... hmmzz..

next day.. whole day watch anime.. shower n eat.. thats all.. haix.. when m i goin to start work? toml lor.. keke.. yupsh.. n oso.. msn n internet was veri S L O W! lowsey.. not lousey.. lol.. haix.. so fan fan fan.... if today like tt again arhh.. i think i cannot take it liao.. go room n scream.. haha.. *mental patient* hahahaa oh yea tt reminds me.. i took a pic yest when i was goin crazy from the cold.. its pretty crazy.. btw city bought scarf and jacket.. hehe..

todayy went out with eva and her cousin qian yi~ nice to meet u btw~!! lol.. umMmz.. we kinda did the same thing in the city.. except me ate more.. haha n oso bubble tea i tried the mango one.. not as nice as i hoped itd be.. but its oki.. hehe.. yupshh.. i finish drinkin so fast!! oh yeah.. we bought rings.. and yea.. walked alot too.. feet achin t0o0o hahaa.. we din get lost! so surprisin~ heheee!!! we got a neoprint taken t0o! hehee... so long nv take ler.. >.< yay! hehe.. wellsss.. today bought stationary, clips, a visor, and higlightrs.. ahhaa.. ok.. well im lazy now.. hahaa.. oh yeah!!! cookz n me tried on some ugly purple top together n it was so hard to get off!!!!! realli~!! i had to take.. err everythin off to take it off.. hahahaa... =x nv wanna try tt again!!! hahaaa.. took so long in the changin room.. oso.. hahahaa... owells.. yupshhhhhh...

well its been a fun weekend i guess.. hehe.. me goin to study oso.. takecare peoples! nitenite takecare *huGGs* >.<