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Just one out of billions.
Thoughts. Emotions. Life.
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♥jaѕмiиe. |
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see.ThruMyEyes :) |
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Tuesday, February 13, 2007, 2/13/2007 12:08:00 pm ♥
oh yeah! i got my P plate ^_^ finally huh.. i CAN DRIVE!! lolx.. pls dun make me feel like a taxi driver.. lolx!so yesterday was an averagely-bad day i topped up my smartrider with $10... n the bus driver didnt put it in... next... evy n me got stuck in the bus when it was time to get off! lolx.. we slept over at amandas saturday nite.. went shoppin with adrian, amanda and ayumi (amanda's jap exchange) tt day.. he should realli buy some other colors than.. black n white.. so ahgong.. lolx n thn.. it was all a last minute thing.. coz i slept realli late and wokeup realli late.. =x lolx.. so he was in a hurry =x sooo amanda's house.. slp over! lolx.. we had fun.. watch final destination 3.. omg.. grotty.. evn tho i didnt realli see the grotti part parts.. i was ther... the music was intense enough.. lol.. but yea.. we ate dinner and ama's and had realli niceee chocolate cake! ehehhee... it was mud! i think.. lOlx.. but yummmmm meeee~ lolxx ok.. so we didnt realli get enough slp.. lolx!! tellin u.. all of us are gettin panda eyes durin the holiz hei.. hEHe.. no enough slp.. well i had 11 hours last nite which is gooD.. lolx.. okok so neway.. we woke up 6.20 - 6.30 yesterday mornin.. havin about 3 -4 hours of slp.. lol.. n thn.. ayumi's jap fwen came and thn we all made our way to the busstop.. xD took them to the uni.. and yea.. helped a few japonese tt looked lost.. lolx! after tt.. we went shoppin! lolx.. first to harbour town.. second.. to city.. met up with adrian in the city again~ n thn after tt.. utopia.. thn adrian dropped us bak at the uni.. we had some one on three time together tokin about the past and stuff.. man i miss those days.. ok class was dismissed for the japs.. and so we took thm homE.. took bus to busport.. and that was the time wher we were stuck in bus.. with no air to breathe but the breath of the person next to us! ddum dum dum!! lolx.. nah we had to walk all the way bak to busport from the city.. but yea.. good exercise i guess.. hMmx.. so yeah~ went bak to amanda's house to hav dinner~ thn homE.. xD chucked another spasm.. now i dowan dun giv face so i dowan to tok to him first.. sighhhhhh its tearring my heart into lil pieces.. eventualli will become dust.. cried so much last nite my eyes are swollen today -_- stupid man... i hate u... not realli... bUT sighhh.. baibaix... love, xia0-zhen lol serene jus asked me to b her valentine~ yay! not valentineless this yr! hahahha poof! cant slp... -_-'' again...
Tuesday, February 06, 2007, 2/06/2007 02:14:00 am ♥
i think i chucked a spasm again tonite... its official.. im weird..its another nite.. wher.. i find myself.. lookin.. jus staring at the fone... and.. count the seconds, minutes, hours to the rite time to call but .. in the end nv end up calling... so i sit on my bed thinkin... (jasmine thinking.. is oweis not good.. ) pretty soon the tears will start rolling.. and i'll jus laugh at myself make a complete idiot infront of... lets see.. myself... i used to sms (kell) or call (wk) ppl whom i like.. when i cant slp at nite.. brings comfort to me tt.. evn if they wont reply my sms.. tt i'll be heard... (pretty sad huh?) i live in a house.. where.. u have to compete to get attention.. sometimes anything i say.. comes out as a blur.. or other wise... it jus gets ignored or pretty much.. insulted... tts explains the attention seeking tt ppl experience comin from me.. sometimes.. sometimes i find myself... an outkast.. i dun wan ppl to feel sympathy for me.. i jus want ppl to appreciate me.. every so often i feel lonely... like i'm meant to be somewhere else.. i long for independence... somewhere wher i can start a new life.. place with no stress.. no worries.. no problems.. jus living life to its max... i wan to meet ppl who can do crazy things with me.. like.. i dunno.. look at stars in weee hours in an open field late at nite when no ones ther.. jus lie ther.. and feel the freedom... asif u were alone rite in the middle of no where.. feel the wind brush against u omost like ur flying... yea i was just thinking.. i've done more for ppl thn ppl's done for me... that's a good thing rite.. so why do i feel so... bad? i mean afterall givin is better than taking... but there lies a problem too.. i dont ask ppl for much stuff.. i dun make decisions.. i follow decisions... i pretty much dunno wat i want... i dont wanna judge nemore ~ i nv used to judge... but nowadays.. all i do is like.. find something to criticise about somethin, someone, an action... i nv used to be like tt... i wanna start finding myself.. coz honestly.. i dunno who i m rite now... i like this guy.. who i've never met.. and i keep asking myself.. why? m i lonely? m i in love? m i desperate? wat m i ? (IN LOVE?!) why do i like someone tt feels like a fairytale? or is he the one?( i dunno?!) i can nv confide in myself to tell him my feelings.. coz im scared? im shy? IM SCARED! y m i scared.. coz he makes me feel comfort, laughter, frightened, hurt...? i dun wanna lose tt.. (thats like every emotion someone can ever feel?! no.. not realli.. close tho.. ) n he's not a bad guy... he's got a great personality, funny sense of humour ( i mean coz humour is not funny? -_- ha-ha..), not bad lookin, cute smile, nice eyes, voice u can fall in love with.... i mean wats bad about him rite? ( nothing's bad about him ) so why cant i be happy jus stayin fwens with him? thing is.. this can nv work between us rite? i mean.. we're jus fwens.. we dont click... well tts wat he said.. we dont click.. we like each other but we dun click.. we dun click... we dont click~ this is very bad.. coz i find myself liking someone more than he likes me.. tts bad! bad!! i'll suffer like im sinkin into the very midst of a very dark dark blackhole.. so now i find myself... avoiding.. finding excuses not to like him.. making him hate me more.. doing anything i can so that it will never work out.. this is how i comfort myself.. i've even told myself.. to mb unlike him and thn move on n go crazy over some other guy...only to find out tt.. im hurtin myself more than comforting... but i mean.. who UNLIKES someone? no one in the rite mind would.. unless they're wired wrong or something.. how do u unlike someone.. if i knew how to do tt.. id be aslp by now.. no worries... but nooo.. y do i like him so much .. damit! i havent even met the guy... the heart.. my heart.. is a funny.. thing, organ.. watever u wanna call it... plays tricks on ur mind.. makes u stay up in the middle of the nite blabbering away ur very inner soul... (omg im a goner.. ) makes u realise.. how much u can think of one person .. jus one person... more than 70% of the 24 hours u hav in a day... i mean .. i try to keep my mind occupied.. but everything goes bak to tt one person.. y does he sound so perfect.. i mean i toned down in liking him... i did.. and thn i had to say yes when he wanted to sing a song.. n i fell deeper all over again.. -_-; someone find a way to stop me thinking... i dont want to think anymore.. sighh.... "i dont love him.....", i tell myself. love, xia0-zhen |
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