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Thoughts. Emotions. Life.

♥jaѕмiиe.
Y,011088.
Learning to live and love every single day.

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see.ThruMyEyes :)

Tuesday, November 25, 2008, 11/25/2008 05:19:00 pm ♥

so exams are finally over for me well at least for the year.. must giv thanks to evy and jien for accompanyin me at the library thru the could have been dark lonelystudy nights.. hehe! thanks heaps and heaps =D evy and crosswords... man they addictive!! lols! funfun =D.. and jien n a new found fwen.. nick.. LOL.. yes random guy came to sit next to us to study~ kinda distracted but it was orite... exams should be orite.. neway random thot but i feel that this yr.. has past soo quickly... wow~

neways~ straight after exams had rachael's bbq party =) saw tiff n tam ~ to tell u the truth i din kno how to tok to them nemore.. dunno why.. even a simple hello was so difficult.. sighs.. lucky they said hi first =D hahahha =x i dunno it jus feels like.. they dun like us in some way ... hmm mb im thinkin too much.. but yea.~ the bbq was yummy~ felt even better coz it was straight after exams too.. hApPy birthday Rachael for the 23rd =D! rachael fell off her scooter and had cuts, bandages and bruises all over.. hope she gets better soon =) hehe it was funn funnn ~ jus ate n sat around and talked about random stuff ~ lol! omost got lost there coz i missed the turning into beasley =/ but it was all good~ haha~ thanks to ama's directions.. after bbq.. we helped rach with transporting her pot bak to her house and ended up stayin for a while to play guitar heroes =D.. i suck at it =) hahahaha! thankyou rach for the birthday pressie =D hehe so pretty =D n den i dropped ama n evy home n went home.. we johnny's friend and i.. watched johnny play resident evil.. n i started fallin aslp.. so i went to slp n got a fone call from johnny.. he thot i was out.. but in fact i was at home slping.. so after the three masketeers headed to northbridge to have some yummy dinner at tea cafe =D heheh!

i stayed up last night.. it started with chatting and den rockband.. n den.. seek.com and i applied for a casual position in the burswood almac pharmacy.. now i wait for their reply =) i oso went to do the st john online crash course and the mini exam.. it was onli 8 questions long.. i got them right.. yay! n den after that.. i applied a expression of interest form in regards to becoming a community volunteer. So i'll be awaiting for a reply from them too.. =)

one thing i've been waiting for had finally arrived tho.. an interview with UWA for pharmacy.. it was successful! so now they're waitin for me to give them the times i'll be available for the interview.. i'm scared =x i've never been in an interview before~ i'll have to start preparations sooner than expected.. onli hav a week or two.. so wish me luck =D any advice would be greatly appreciated haha =P

anyways i ended up goin to bed at 5.. n i felt "ferral"~ so i had a quick shower and went to be wid my hair only towel dried.. woke up at 10 for work.. my hair was from outer space.. yupsh~ the standing and curling type, extra-terrestrial stuff! so i put them down wid pins.. n den i couldnt be bothered nemore =x lol! doggies had a haircut today~ all ready for summer =) hehe!

after work went shoppin for a bit.... my control power aint that good today~ in my head its the "this looks good --> must buy" no more.. "this looks good --> will i wear it ---> should i buy it ---> nah i can live without it .. " but ts ok im sure the latter mindset will come bak =D its probabli a stress response from study =D after that we went to jennie's for a bit.. hehe.. watched fumoffu on her comp and yea found out i got an interview soon.. she gav me plenty of advise.. i've always thot of wat to say in an interview and everything.. but knowing me.. i'll hav so many ideas in my head.. but i wont kno how to express it in voice.. mb too much msn and bloggin have one big disadvantage to it.. the inability to express in person.. thats me =) words get jumbled and thers no way i can backspace and jadd words that may sound good into my already-said words. i hope i'll do well.. i guess itd be a good experience to have even if i dun do so good =) hehe

these holidays will gimm a chance to buckle up and get my life in order.. uhuh uhuh!
and that's all for now.. imma go gym hehe~

takecare everyone~ goodluck for those who have one more exam!!!
i'm excited fo ur finish day =D hehe!

love, xia0zhen.




Tuesday, November 18, 2008, 11/18/2008 10:44:00 pm ♥

one thing before i say nethin else: "monkey notti" and " i miss u"

monkey's back in china to look after his granma coz she's in hospital :( hope she's doin orite~ while we were tokin about her.. he said somethin that made me speechless and yet happy at the same time.. actualli.. he leaves me speechless alot.. i duno if that's a good thing or bad.. but if i felt a sense of joy inside.. i guess.. i was dumbfoldly happy.. happy that he mentioned that he hoped that i'd get to see her too.. it felt like i had somethin stuck in my throat =x but yea.. it somehow made me feel secure.. i dunno lol! but yea.. i do miss tt notti bweibi =) hmm i think im also learnin to be more patient than i already am..

i played rock band today.. and i must say drums and guitars are fun fun to make music wid =D maybe one day i'll compose a song and use the drums ~ n it'll prob be about my journey in life.. lol!

wanna say i made a good friend irene.. she reminds me alot of myself.. very nice girl.. lol~ been visitin her and takin her out~ and been complainin alot to her.. but she doesnt seem to mind lol! like a big sister to me ahhaa keeps givin me chocolates T_T apparentli i make her laugh alot.. lol! glad to hear i hav that kinda effect without makin too much effort ~ LOL

weiwei visited yesterday~ lol! it was nice~ we toked about alot of stories very interesting ones.. found out how fussy he is.. cheh.. LOL showed each other pictures, played wid facebook games.. gosh.. why do they get us soo addicted~ but im sure i'll soon giv up and do somethin more useful.. jus a way to pass time i guess.. hehe.. but yea it was funny how a few hours passed by when ur onli jus tokin.. like at eva's .. dunno why we jus tok about random stuff, i listen to her stories and listen to music and den usualli end up leavin her house at like earli in the morning.. i think i left her house at 4 goin to 5 once.. ? crazy... it was omost gettin bright again.. i slept while the birds chirped..

anyways the last exam... i realli cant start studying again.. mb i shouldnt hav took the weekend plus monday off.. coz today i find myself fallin aslp while riting the notes i oweis look forward to see the end result of.. the colors oh so pretty =x haha oh wells.. maybe i'll jus do it toml.. i've done half a page?

toml my parents are leaving once again .. i dunno how i'll take it but yea.. hopefully i'll b ok.. i find that i usually become realli down when i send them off at the airport.. i think i take it out on ppl.. adam prob knows this coz i keep goin to him n askin him to do stuff wid me.. n i go abit crazy kinda want to scream and shout when he doesn't... im so used to people being in the house for the past few weeks or was it months.. it's hard to adjust back to the way it was without them around.. therefore i think the feeling of people leaving is one of those that are difficult to adapt to..

lols anyways my holiday to-d0-list is as follows:
  • arrange my wardrobe
  • get the car serviced
  • move my stuff from other rooms
  • find a job - amana living, aged care, hospital, nursing home - entertainer, pharmacy.
  • wash my baby car
  • fix my squeaky bed
  • invite fwens over for rockband fun =D
okiii tts it for tonite.. i think i might jus slp and wakeup to do my study =D first xoxo gossip girl
love, zhen




My life thots in one blog..
Sunday, November 16, 2008, 11/16/2008 12:58:00 am ♥

hehehhee that notti monkey finally made contact hehehe.. i cant help but "hehehe" because.. well.. i would think that means im happy. he also emailed on friday.. which literally brought tears flooding the clear vision of the email i so happily opened n tried to read.. i dunno whether it was tears of happiness or tears of regrets.. regrets of havin to think the worst of things.. tho i dunno.. mb im still blinded... mb not... but i chose to trust in the people around me... i trust myself to trust them too =) thats why i feel like i need to get rid of some ppl around me =x hahaha!

i guess.. out of all the qualities i look for in a person, whether he or she is a friend or foe.. is how much i can trust that person.. i usually give about 5 chances and it also depends on how severe these cases are.. tho some hav exceeded this limit.. let's jus say jasmine's too nice =D hahahaha! nah.. those that exceed the limit.. jasmine just avoids.. =D avoiding and snobbing are two different things.. pls do not mix them up.. tho i have started snobbing one or two people.. jus hope i dun make it a normal habit...

another thing i wanna bring up is being unprejudiced in the thinking .. i like people who give unbiased opinions on things.. shows that they analyse how others might think and in turn how they think in relation to the matter.. i try to be like that.. only sometimes anger or even overconfidence overrides this way of thinking.. but yea i dun even give way to the dead.. i think if we do experience a lost whether it's a close friend, a family member, or anybody else.. we think of them as alive coz truely.. they are still alive.. in my memory.. they're alive.. so i still think i hav the right to feel angry, sad, or and happy... for them and or towards them :) well.. at least thats how i think of it.. no one ceases to exist.. neway yea.. i kinda went out of topic but yea ... next!

i oso wanna tok about roles in life.. as an individual.. we share the world with given opportunities of choosing the way we live... when we're born.. we're given the role of either a son or a daughter.. whether we have rules to follow whilst takin upon these roles.. we dont kno for sure.. but i've always thot that.. our lives as it starts.. belong partly to our parents.. well.. jus tokin about responsible parents who spend most of their lives tryin to raise children right.. not those oh she's pregnant RUN! kinda parents.. LOL! u noe wat i mean.. haha.. so therefore as a daughter or a son.. we grow up in a way to please them and make decisions not to disappoint them.. they make countless decisions that we are unable to make.. to achieve one goal - that is making us happy.. this is how i see it.. tho "like sand thru an hourglass, so are the days of our lives" (hahha) meaning as time passes.. we make our own decisions.. sometimes with the help of parents.. sometimes not.. but realli in the end.. u become wat u decide.. becoz in the end if ur not happy wid wat u are.. we fail to achieve wat our parents wanted in the first place - our happiness.. :)

we also take on roles of being a brother or sister, granddaughter, a student, a friend, a companion, a worker, and mb ur own boss.

as an older sister, i take care of the my younger brother, i try to understand him, i talk to him, joke with him (tho he makes better jokes.. mine are jus lame), hug him randomly and in the end teach him wat i kno.. tho i dunno much.. he'll learn from me jus being there.. HAhA! i think? mb learn what annoying means? hahah! pee-ak u* =P

as a younger sister.. i learn from my older brother.. to tok to ppl at the right times (coz he can be soo moody n snappy!) .. to use my words carefully.. to be strong when no one's ther.. to laugh like no one's around.. to experience what it's like to be petted on the head as a sign of caress.. and that being blur.. sometimes gets u into trouble.. HAha! n oso.. evn tho u might be older.. u mite be the one who needs the taking care of... =x

as a granddaughter... (dad-granma) i kno that memories are forever (especially of happy faces, and voices that call out ur name), i learn that people hav to go one day, i learn to hear voices with love attached to them.. (mum-grandad) i learn that the heart can be forever young, i learn that using an umbrella is not only a good walking stick but also very convenient! i learn that there are people who accept me for who i am n not by appearance.. (mum-granma) i learn the ways of the chinese culture and how thinking has been changed, i learn that happiness can be found in the most delicates of places, i learn how to cook from her, i learn about the consequences of growing old.. and in return tho i wasnt developed enough in my thinking for my ahma and gonggong.. for the granma who's looked after us since lke as long as i can remember.. in return, i love her like i love my mum.. hug her, pinch her, kiss her, chat about everything to her.. we even keep secrets from mum keke! n remind her that i love her n she's oweis a part of me.. by tellin her she's notti =D hahah!

despite their faults n complaints i may hav blogged over the past 5 yrs.. they're part of family.. n i cant help but love them unconditionally..

That's why in my life.. family comes first (:

im gettin tired.. its 343... but i kno i wont continue this blog another day so... i better do it so i can read this when im like 60 haha! hopefulli blogspot doesnt breakdown... feels like my whole life is here... =/

as a student.. i learnt the basics to communicate, to be educated, to be punished when necessary, to be responsible to attend sch and hand in ur homework on time, to wash my mouth from vulgarity (twice literally with soap.. yes..singapore.. i still remember the teachers name.. ms tan.. grr! hahaha oh wells.. taught me a lesson? lol.. all i said was "shit" guess it's very unpleasant comin out from an 8 yr old lil girl), oh n from that i realised the unnecessary need for swearing.. ( tho i do say that word occasionally...) to be attentive, to respect the elders, to take responsibility for wat u do, i learnt that stealing (unintentionally) was very scary... i learnt that when i do something bad, they always find out (was i stupid? mb?)and punishments for those were scary and sometimes painful too... i learnt that some teachers can be soo crazily scary (i still remember some of the faces).. i learnt that i loved the strict teachers coz i actually did my work (dunno why i get so much satisfaction in that)... i learnt that in primary sch.. i didnt need to study for assessments and i manage to pass with the lowest marks of 50-52 for science/ chinese/ maths.. (funny how im doin science for my future)... i learn how the education in singapore is so much more advanced, yet strict n more difficult compared to australia.. i learn that we spend more time in sch den newher else.. ( and yes.. i learnt alot from teachers, wont bother makin the list ne longer -hence, they teach-ers/us )

- dah i'll continue this toml~ slping noww ~ (4.07am) -

3.23pm sundayy ~ lols!

as a friend.. i learnt that the friends u trust always stick by each other.. i learnt that not all can be good.. i learnt that i stay away from those who care not.. i try to be ther for them n help them anytime i can (according to my priorities and conditions they in).. i learn to tell or keep certain things that they should or shouldn't kno.. i treat them like my brothers and sisters.. i try to be impartial in disputes between people.. i voice opinions even though they might be rong or may not want to be heard.. i learnt that life would seem solitary without them..

as a companion.. i learn not to initialli put myself whole-heartedly.. i learn of different kinds of love.. i learn that feelings can be so fragile.. i learn of uncondition love from someone out of family.. i learn from mistakes and past experiences.. n i treat them jus like my friends..

as a worker.. i do my job right and do it for experience.. i learn wat people would and wouldn't do for food.. haha~! n yeah~ i learn that we are somehow connected in the society as a whole.

as my own boss - i wouldnt kno~ but when i do.. n if i still use this.. i'll let u kno =D i guess love ur staff as well.. teach them wats right n wrong.. be responsible for their actions and all that? ahhaa ok very lazy now... this is goin to be an extra longg blogggg~

i hav cramps T_T

love, me.




Thursday, November 13, 2008, 11/13/2008 10:26:00 am ♥

i decided to blog before i start wid my studyy ~ 2 more to go.. n i'll be free-ranged.

i've been such an angry person lately. dah ~ it's all at the same time as well..

one matter: she's in her lil world and doesn't seem to care what's happenin around her.. for those who know.. i think it's better if we dun tok about her nemore.. i really wanna jus forget that side of her.. it angers me.. so give me time to forget... i wish she'd leave me alone too.. (dont wanna think about it)

i had 2 major disputes wid my mum.. last night.. i told her that i was so relief that she said i could do somethin other den medicine.. prob made her feel sad tho she still insisted that i dunno what i want... n today, jus den.. i told her.. why isit that she can be bothered to service my older brother's car.. n not mine n she blamed me for not havin service it for so long.. i told her she "sucks as a mummus." i kno i could do it myself.. but seriously.. if she doesnt expect my brothers to do it.. why isit that i have to.. i assumed that she'd at least ask me..

on these two separate occasions she walked away.. (probably knows i'm right) pfft! she's a bigger chickn den i am..

so whyyyyy am i so twisted inside.. hmm mb twisted isnt the word.. but why? i guess it jus builds up and accumulates thru the years.. arghhhh.. not healthy.. stop thinkin jas.. good thots good thots~ might be PMS... haisss...

oh yea.. my mum told me she asked johnny what he wanted to become... he wants to be a singer... o_0.. i'll leave the comments on that for others... but still o_0. o_o, 0_o; unexpected.

ok! goin to study, goodlucks everyone! ~ =D
love, zhenzhen.




Sunday, November 09, 2008, 11/09/2008 11:55:00 pm ♥

so much things happened i forgot to say that -->
that notti monkey hasn't called!! (for a week)
if he had a heart he'd let me kno.. instead of makin me wait.. seriously!
(haha not that i realli think about it tt much, i only remembered it jus den..)
i dunno wats goin on in tt notti mind of his..
i dun wanna affect him or nethin atm.. butttt its still not nice!!! notti notti!!
and also he's like 4-5 weeks overdue for submitting pictures in!

penalties must be made...

so whenever he's coming bak..... if he does...

he's in for a surprise...

many piaks and questions and tests! awaits him.. xD hahaha!

waiting oh so patiently...
jazzy.




11/09/2008 11:16:00 pm ♥

So the labs are done and its one more day till the first exam starts. Im proud to say that all my labs were either 9 or 10 out of 10. Wee! and all i need for a high distinction is a distinction for my exams. Shouldnt be too difficult... i hope.. but then again.. we're talking about chemistry here... lols! i onli got 67.4% for TEE (haha my results are jus infront of me.. i realli wouldnt be able to memorise it! haha!) anyways... the First Exam i have is on Tuesday. It's Neuroscience at 9.30am.

Mum came back on the Wednesday afternoon. So I've been sleeping with her for the past few days. lol! It was strange cause she actually asked me to.. usualli i'd jus go slp with her coz i felt she'd be lonely without coachy too. Coachy had to stay in singapore coz his daughter's gettin married sunday (today). So he's coming over toml =D.

I had a major tummyache last night. The pain could compared to the magnitude of a severe migrane. So painful, it transmited referred pain to the back of my spine in between the scapulas. Which confirms that the stomach was screaming in pain. First mum n i went to get some indian for dinner, so i tried to eat Chutney Mary even when i was feeling uber sick with the feel of throwing up. So i had abit of curry n paratha (prata), sips of lassi and felt like shi-ats... so i went to the toilet and tried throwing up but only 3 attempts with nothing coming out. (btw there was no finger-trickling involved.) soo we walked to KFC to get some food back for adam. and the toilets there were in use... so i held everything in.. and sat hugging my tummy infront of the KFC toilets.. when we got in the car... the power of my smell increased like 5 times as i could smell the dog's body odour stenching up the car.. it seriously smelt like more shiat... n i accused roy of having shiatted in the car.. so i got out of the car, let the two white fluffs out and to the boot, i opened it with caution.. expecting to see pieces of poo rolling around.. but no.. none at all.. the smell had suddenly disappeared too! lol! mannnnn hahahahhahahhaha my brain was playin tricks... neways roy didnt want to get down the car so it took a few minutes to get him down... after.. i went straight to bed.. but i couldnt slp and sooo i sat in the toilet.. and walah poo-d it out.. i was expecting diarrhoea.. but it was good poo! so i dunno wat happened... must hav been eatin too much (indigestion) or something... it got better after my mummy rubbed tiger balm all round my back and front.. even better when i got up and burped it alll out! hahahahha ! and that's the story of my painful night.. i walked around the house after dat and also watched a few OBAMA videos.. lol! i wanna watch his movie.. i reckon it'd be good =) i think they asked him to choose an actor.. and i heard from my mum that he said will smith because he has his ears.. LOL! funny guy.

anyways I wokeup with no pain in my stomach..n yeaaa I did my study for the day and I'm kinda ready for it. Tomorrow just goin to go through some questions and past exams i found on UWA Course Materials. LOL! I don't usualli go thru past exams coz NotreDame are too lazy to put it up...either they are #1 Lazy - to write new papers or #2 Lazy - to put it up on server. lol! thats about it..

so yea.. i think imma go slp soon. oh yea that reminds me.. i had a dream of tai last nite.. he was acting weird.. hope he's orite.. ok..
Takecare everyone. Goodlucks for exams.
Love, xia0-zhen.




Tuesday, November 04, 2008, 11/04/2008 07:54:00 pm ♥

so many things happened on sunday... i sent my granma off.. and was overwhelmed wid sadness... to tell you the truth.. it was difficult to see her leave... lucky adam was there.. i made effort to keep it in.. tho it all came out durin my sleep.. michael called sunday too.. he felt my sadness over the fone.. somethin sad oweis happens when he calls.. =/ so many sad things happened in the past few months too~ maybe im jus emo atm.. lol many happy things happened too! hehe.. but yea~ sunday.. i was so saddened that i forgot to wish my daddy happy birthday.. i said i was going to.. but i onli remembered last night.. but have not received a reply.. i hope he's doing alright there.. happy birthday daddy~ i love you. hope i can go bak to singapore end of the year for at least a while..

its the second day of labs and i got full marks for the first two labs done on monday =D yay! startin to find it doable.. onli thing is... its takin up too much of my study time.. im goin to be worn out by the time exam comes.. i should be studyin atm too.. but... bleh.. mb i can move my study up but tt means more crammingg x\

i miss pohpoh. okkk goin to chat now~ hehehe boring blog todayy
takecareeee